Welcome To My TED Talks
Welcome to my TED talk. I am truly angry and terrified. I am a monster. I am going to swallow you whole. All of the doors are locked. You can not get outside and no one can get inside. The room is on fire and I am on fire. We are in hell. Or are we in Hell? Is this happening in your mind? No, we are in Hell. I have a thousand tongues. I have a million mixed up memories and I am not sure which is which. I am not sure which of you I am. We all deserve to die like this. We all knew that it was going to end like this. Hi, mom. Are there any questions.
Welcome to my TED talk. I am a small duck. I am not sure how I got here. Seems scary. I am small and frightened. I was wandering by the dock pond, and then I got here. There are so many of you. I want to open my mouth and say something, but I am afraid that you will swallow me whole. I do not want to be eaten. I am alone and very scared.
Welcome to my TED talk, I am a man in a giant puppet suit. The puppet is made out of wood. I am somewhere inside of the puppet but you can not see me. If I move the puppet enough, it seems like it is alive. But it is not alive. Everyone knows that it is not alive. I talk for hours and hours and you all just stare at the puppet. Inside, I am scared.
Welcome to my TED talk. I am a man in a hoodie looking down at the floor. It seems like I am praying for something but you can not see my lips, because I am looking down at the floor. It seems like I may be crying, but you can not see my eyes, because I am looking down at the floor. It seems like I may be preparing to raise a sea monster from the Earth, but you can not tell, because I haven’t said anything and you don’t know what a sea monster looks like. I stare at the floor for 3 hours. No one says anything. Sometimes someone coughs. No one gets up to go to the bathroom. No one moves. This is how we should always be. This is how it could be forever. [Applause added]
This is a true story. All of the girls are kissing me. The werewolf girls hover a foot above the ground and snap their teeth at me. They snap their teeth so hard that it fills the air with knives. The knives rain down on me. The knives are kisses. A girl in a black veil pulls them out one by one at my funeral and plants a cookie in each wound. The cookies are kisses. The hummingbird girl swarms around me in a thousand hummingbird bodies until I can not hear, until I see only blood, until I cough and fall to the floor. On the floor covered in tinfoil are kisses.The nightmare girl kisses me with a buzzsaw through my torso. I look down and see a map of the stars spilling from my torso. My limbs fall off. My fingers roll along the floor. My fingers turn into kisses. The ghost girl does not kiss me. She pulls up a chair and sits in it. She stares at me for hours and does not say a word. She hums a song until I close my eyes. When I open my eyes I am on a bus. I do not know what time it is. I do not where I am. I do not know where the bus is going.